Casanova's Chicken
by Blue Liquorice and Bookworm
Summary: "Will someone please explain to me why Casanova is currently lying unconscious in the console room?"


Hey everyone!

So recently I met over tumblr the lovely whitmistrose, and we bonded over our love for Doctor Who, creating OCs (although I have VERY rarely done so), fanfiction and fanart.

So this is for that lovely lady whose OC "Chloe Evans" has me inspired once again.

(You should go check out her tumblr and send her some asks about her character. simply add the tumblr URL to whitemistrose)

"**Casanova's Chicken"**

**Author: Blue Liquorice and Bookworm (aka, madderthanaboxoffrogs)**

**Catergories: Humor, Friendship, little bit of fluff I guess (There is an established relationship between Evans and Harkness)**

**Content Warning: Mild profanity (One swearword. I'm Australian though, we don't even blink at this word), Mentions of gambling, also physical violence involving people being knocked out.**

**Canon Setting: After Journey's End but before Ten's regeneration. Chloe's time is rather AU at the moment, but whitemistrose has set it around there. I can't say anything for Torchwood as I'm still yet to see it.**

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**BANG.**

The sound of the TARDIS door slamming was something Chloe Evans was becoming very familiar with in recent weeks.

Since the Doctor had discovered the relationship she and Jack had formed, there seemed to be an awful lot of slamming doors.

Sometimes it was Jack, who claimed it was payback for letting the TARDIS torture him multiple times.

Sometimes it was the Doctor, who used it to announce his presence every time he entered a room. Much to the old girl's horror, it was one of many way he "subtly" announced his presence to the couple.

But, more often than not however, it was the TARDIS herself.

Chloe claimed it was because the old girl was tired of their shit. The sentient ship agreed with her on that respect.

Yet, the old girl was slowly warming up to Jack, despite his presence being a fixed point. She still locked him in rooms. Three times now had she hidden away the bathroom when he _really_ needed to go. His guns has the uncanny ability of disappearing from his room and being found in bags of flour and powdered custard on Pancake Day. He lost all his clothing once also, but that never really phased him – much to the respective horror and amusement of the Doctor and Chloe.

After that incident however, the TARDIS stopped hiding Jack Harkness's clothing. Whether that was due to his lack of embarrassment – or the Doctor's extensive, Chloe was still unsure.

So reluctantly, the petite blonde moved out from underneath her covers and popped her Austen novel aside. She picked up one of the blankets and wrapped it around her small frame several times before slowly shuffling out of the library, and away from her beloved settee.

Chloe froze in the archway of the console room. The lights of the TARDIS walls were flashing from their roundels in the coral walls, and a soft rumbling of amusement shattered what would be an otherwise silent room.

Well, silent except for the panting of her two male occupants.

"Will someone please explain to me why Casanova is currently lying unconscious in the console room?"

Chloe's voice was sharp in the quiet, amusement and a tone of maternal disappointment clear in her voice. She restrained a small giggle when both her friends looked up in horror at her presence – and promptly started to hide the unconscious man from their view.

"Who? What? Casanova? Nooooo" The Doctor started before being painfully elbowed in the stomach by the man beside him. The older man glared at Jack while he put on his most winning smile and winked Chloe.

"Do you think? Well, thank you for the compliment darling. Are you cold?"

Chloe moved forward quickly, moving around the console to get a better look at the unconscious man.

"Not now Harkness, I want to know why a not-so-hot Italian is lying dead on the Old Girl's floor."

"He's not dead!" The Doctor rebutted and Chloe shook her head and looked at him disapprovingly, Jack quirked a smile.

"We can explain Chloe –"

"No you can't!" The Doctor roared and moved around the other man and pick up the famed mallet, before hitting the TARDIS's console repeatedly.

"Doctor, there's no point in hiding it anymore."

"Yes there is! Good reasons!"

"Doctor I would stop hitting the TARDIS if I were you." Chloe argued wisely. The Doctor ignored her words of wisdom however, and small shock of electricity was sent through the mallet and up his arm. The man hissed before dropping it and circling the console like prey.

Jack smirked. "Give me one that doesn't list the bruising of your manly pride"

The Doctor stuttered ad flipped a blue stabiliser, but the old girl refused to move.

Chloe shook her head and turned to her partner. "Okaaaaay then. Jack, explain the body."

"The Doctor owes him a chicken."

Chloe blanched, and the Doctor froze in his tracks. Jack's smirk did not leave his face.

"Okay… repeat thanks. Immediately." Chloe commanded, and if possible, Jack's grin widened.

"The Doctor owes the charming Casanova a chicken."

Chloe bits her lip and looks between the men.

_Do I really want to know?_

"Alright then, I may regret this, but a further explanation wold be pretty good right above now."

The Doctor began to rub his face and pull his hand through his hair. This was either going to be something really embarrassing on his part… or extremely dangerous.

"Welllll the TARDIS locked Jack and I out in Venice, you didn't answer your phone, we were looking around and we met Casanova, there were womanizing aliens, we made a bet about something you'd probably rather not know, I lost said bet, Jack lost his pants so he stole a new pair, and we knocked Casanova out so I could use a memory worm on him BECAUSE I DON'T OWN A CHICKEN!" The Doctor paused and took a deep breath. Chloe looked at him with an expression of bewilderment before turning to look at a cackling Jack, and noticing his strange trousers.

"You lost your pants?"

Jack gestured to his lower body and swung his hips side to side. Chloe raised an eyebrow at this movement, and the Doctor groaned.

"Chloe! Point! You are _missing _it!"

The blonde sighed and walked up the unconscious man, before nudging him with her foot. She glared at the Doctor "Says the man who has a historic figure unconscious on his_time_ ship! Explain to me where you're going to pick up a memory worm in the time you have left after you knocked this guy out!" She looked down at the Italian again before looking at Jack. "What exactly did you knock this guy out with anyway? He's out like a light!"

Jack shrugged before slinging an arm around her shoulders. "Oh you know, just your average carton of soap. Nothing too unusual. Why anyone would have soap in that era when they obviously didn't use it is a little beyond me." He looked at the blonde with a soft smile and ducked his head to place a light kiss of her forehead. The Doctor was too busy to notice however, and was already talking again.

"Weellllll I thought I could try to pick one up on Akhaten, but I doubt the seller would sell one to me after what Susan did with the last one –"

_Susan?_ Chloe mouthed to Jack, and he shrugged. _No idea. _Was his reply.

"Ataris could be a good one. Major city state. Brilliant place of trade, especially during the 44th Century. They're bound to have some Memory Worms. Or at least their black market will. Oh and then there's–"

"Doc I have an idea."

The Doctor paused to look at the woman. "You've spent too much time around Jack." His gaze moved to the other man. "I've told you to stop calling me that."

Jack held his arms up in mock surrender and Chloe rolled her eyes.

"How about you just leave the man in his own century and just… avoid going anywhere near his timeline. Wouldn't that be easier?"

Both the men looked at her, and the Doctor's mouth started opening and closing like a goldfish Chloe once saw in a pet store. Jack resumed his wolfish grin.

"Yeah Doc, wouldn't that be easier?"

The Doctor glared at the immortal and then at the console. Before muttering under his breath.

"What was that Doctor?" Chloe replied, stepping over the unconscious man.

"I didn't… I didn't think of that."

"We'll that's a first!" Jack said, and began lifting the unconscious man up, one arm over his shoulder. "Help me out here Doc, this man weighs a ton and he smells like a Slitheen's fart."

"But–"

"Doctor just do it. You'll save everyone a headache. Especially the TARDIS. If you hit that console one more time I don't think it will be Jack she'll throw out." The hint of amusement in Chloe's voice moved the Doctor to take a better look at his old girl's console. Through their link he could feel her disapproval at his actions.

"Okay! Okay! I get it." He moved over to Jack and helped the other man lug the dead weight of Giacomo Casanova to the TARDIS's double doors. She happily opened them both up and they dropped the man off outside the doors, before closing them.

Chloe shook her head, not happy with how they executed the plan. She sighed, and resigned herself to the fact that had she made them do otherwise she'd have to be subjected to their constant complaining.

"Right, new mission. You two, shower. You smell of Venice and not in the good way. I for one am returning to my fair Darcy in the library." Jack's mouth quickly opened and she lifted her finger to his lips to silence him. "Not a word Harkness."

She spun around and left the room, a deep, mocking voice resounding from the corridor followed by her laugh:

"Ciao_ Bellas"_

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Reviews are love :)


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